Lesson #18: Date yourself 🐨
You should go and love yourself :)
Tip: Date yourself ✨
Get to know yourself, give yourself some time and attention, and engage with who you really are. This form of self-love has many benefits, such as higher self-esteem, stronger determination, increased self-awareness, less anxiety, and even better sleep!
Insight: Our understanding of self-love comes from the path to enlightenment 😲
Most discourse around self-compassion finds its roots in Buddhist philosophy. According to Buddhist teachings, there are 4 virtues (brahmaviharas) or mental states that we should develop on the path to enlightenment:
Metta: Loving-Kindness
Mudita: Sympathetic Joy
Upekkha: Equanimity
Karuna: Compassion
Our current understanding of self-love and self-compassion comes from Karuna, which is omnidirectional, and focused on the interconnectedness of all beings. Simply put, Karuna is a sense of compassion towards oneself and the world around, with 3 main elements:
(Self-)Kindness: Understanding the reality of suffering
Common Humanity: Embracing the universality of suffering
Mindfulness: Developing the capacity to alleviate suffering by sitting with it instead of becoming overwhelmed by it
Here’s an example of how I’ve used my understanding of Karuna to develop some self-compassion, with the ultimate goal of self-love:
I fell short of my investors’ expectations, and that makes me feel guilty and incompetent (mindfulness). Feelings of guilt and self-doubt are universal to human experience, I am not the first or the last person to feel them (common humanity). My feelings are valid, and will soon pass after I have learnt the lessons they have brought for me (self-kindness)
Resource: Stanford’s Self Compassion Graphic 😍
One of our favorite graphics of all time is from Stanford’s CCARE (Center for Compassion and Altruism Research & Education, click here for the full graphic). It goes over different benefits and tips for self-compassion, but here is a section I (Shriya) have had bookmarked since I started studying self-compassion 6 years ago:
To recap: date yourself. Loving yourself isn’t lazy or narcissistic or anything you should be ashamed of - it’s actually good for you, and can even be a path to enlightenment :)
We hope you learnt as much as we did this week!
Until next time,
With love and bear hugs,
Koa & Shriya 🥰✨